Marlboros and the Curse of Addiction

The first time I smoked a cigarette was at the end of the seventh grade at a party at Bobby Shamis' house. Jeff Horbar, Nancy Wapnik, and my boyfriend at the time Jay Sackman all puffed Benson & Hedges at the far end of the back yard so that no one could see us. Jeff and Jay supplied the cigarettes. Nancy and I coughed a lot. At the time, both of my parents smoked steadily and at home, so I wasn't offended by the smell and they couldn't smell me either. I thought I was cool. So did Bobby and Jeff and Nancy.

That summer I bought my first pack of cigarettes with Adrienne Gerson. They were Newports. My parents were in Europe on an extended vacation and my grandmother and her sister were staying with my sister and me. They had no idea what I was really doing: smoking, staying out late, wearing makeup, although not making out with Jay who was away at camp for the summer.

That started a twenty-five year addiction to tobacco. I smoked "Bette Davis" style. I smoked for affect, for punctuation, for doing something with my hands. I loved the taste of that first cigarette in the morning with a cup of freshly brewed filtered coffee.

I only tried to stop seriously several times: once immediately after law school; I lasted ten days and almost went mad. Next I tried hypnosis and kicked the habit for two years until I met Joshua and he looked so comfortable once again with a Marlboro Light. We smoked together for five years. Finally I quit on March 23, 1986, because I had such sharp chest pains that I had to pull my car over to the shoulder after crossing the Richmond Bridge on my way home from work.

Nah, I wasn't having a heart attack at 36, I said to myself. Then I stopped: my research assistant was dying of AIDS, I was caring for a disabled friend every Friday, and my law buddy with whom I practiced for six years was just diagnosed with leukemia. Yeah, I could be having a coronary.

I watched the Academy Awards that night and never smoked again. Then I quit Joshua later that year.

The Senate passed a bill last night to give jurisdiction to the FDA to regulate tobacco manufacture, sales, and marketing in the United States. It's about time. The House must pass it, and President Obama has promised to sign it. We need to end the curse of tobacco, and it is a curse. Yes, it's cool to sit in a hookah bar and drink and smoke, but it isn't cool to see what tobacco does to our lungs, heart, and brains.